Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
