The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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