there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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