Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
