I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
