I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
