She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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