I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
