so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
