For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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