It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
