that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize