You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
