I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
