my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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