is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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