Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
