I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
her vagine was all disorganized.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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