He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Two words: blizzard sex
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
