How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
