been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
