basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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