You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
