Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This is classic penis vs brain.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
