New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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