when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
