dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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