Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
