She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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