If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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