Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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