I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
