dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you had me at cake vodka
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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