My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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