you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
