yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
