Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
