do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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