Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's never too late to be topless.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
