I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
