Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
