i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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