Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
