yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
