He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
