your room smells of hookers.
And success
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
