My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
