The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
