I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize