Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Randomize
