i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
