I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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