Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
