This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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