the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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