Pants 0. Shit 1.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
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