This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize