I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
