I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
