Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
