I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
