And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
