You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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