yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
