So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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