bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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