Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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