i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I need moral support for this bender
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
