I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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